If you’ve been feeling off—a little bit depressed, anxious, stressed, or a mix of all of the above—you might have considered going to therapy. But you may have questioned: Do I really need a therapist? How do you know when it’s finally time to make the call?
While there are many types of therapy, people typically start with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In a typical CBT session, therapists question patients about their thought patterns, and in turn, can help their patients make changes to behaviors that are limiting their happiness.
“If somebody is consistently having trouble in some domain of their life, whether it’s within their relationships or at work, if a pattern keeps repeating, that’s usually a sign [they could benefit from therapy],” says Emily Simonian, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks.
Spoiler alert: Anyone can go to therapy for any reason, at any time. But these pointers can help you make the decision if you’re unsure about scheduling your first session.
Watch for warning signs.
If you, or a loved one, is having thoughts about harming yourself or others, don’t wait to get help. In the U.S., you can dial 988 on your phone to immediately connect with a local crisis worker who can help you find support. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) also has a wealth of resources.
However, if you haven’t yet reached a need for crisis-level care, but have been experiencing symptoms of anxiety, like racing thoughts and rumination, or symptoms of depression, like fatigue, sadness and loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy, by turning to outside support, you can make sure your symptoms don’t turn into a full-on crisis.
(Bodily symptoms can also be telling. Frequent headaches and stomachaches can be symptoms of anxiety, and depression often comes with vague aches and pains.)
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you can turn to your primary care provider, for an assessment and referral to a therapist, or you can just book a consultation with a therapist directly. Each of these providers can put you on the right path to make sure you’re getting the care you need.
That being said, you don’t need to wait for a big crisis to go to therapy.
One of the biggest myths about therapy is that it’s only for people who are going through major upheaval, says Simonian. You also don’t need to have a difficult past or childhood to benefit from therapy.
“A myth that I hear a lot is people thinking they need to have had trauma in their past in order to show up to therapy,” Simonian says. “That’s not true at all. You can come to therapy just preventively, to alleviate stress, to learn new skills, all of that great stuff. There doesn’t have to be a major catastrophe in your life to start treatment.”
Consider using therapy preventively.
If you’re on the brink of a major transition like moving in with a partner, getting married, or adding a child to your family, starting therapy ASAP may be a good idea.
“Typically, times of transition bring about a lot of mental health issues for people,” Simonian says. “Transition and change in general are stressful, even if it’s a positive change.”
You can also go to therapy for a mental health tune-up, just in the way you might exercise to keep your physical health fine-tuned.
“It can just be, ‘I’m trying to maintain the status quo and want to have that extra support so that I’m speaking with somebody regularly,’ ” Simonian says.
Reflect on your resistance.
If you recoil at the idea of going to therapy, Simonian urges you to consider why.
“People tend to worry that if they come to therapy and start working on things, digging things up from the past or discovering things about themselves or their relationships, it might change their mind,” she says.
Of course, a new mindset can lead to positive changes—but any change can be scary, even if it’s a good one. It’s okay to acknowledge that, Simonian says.
“It’s scary to think, ‘Okay I’m going to go do this, and I’m probably not going to stay exactly the same after,’ ” Simonian says, whether that means learning something about yourself or drawing new boundaries in your relationships.
Use therapy as a learning experience.
If you decide to start therapy, you’re not committed for the rest of your life—you can use it like any other tool for staying healthy.
Some people find therapy useful and stick with it for years. But maybe you “just attend for a couple weeks to learn something new, learn self-soothing skills, emotion regulation skills or communication techniques,” Simonian says. “Individuals that are on the fence can learn something new about themselves or maybe gain insight into something that could potentially change their lives.”